Saturday, June 30, 2012

what the H-E- double L?!

Last Friday I was in the emergency room for extremely horrible back pain.
I don't like to admit when i'm in pain, i know it's an unhealthy trait but I cringe at any sign of weakness.
Well... the pain got so bad that I finally admitted to it and my mom made me call my doctor.

Of course with my luck, my doctor had left on vacation and was out of the office early so I had to talk to the doctor on call who didn't know he was on call and he advised me to go to the emergency room.
They ran all of these test, sent me in for ultra sounds and after almost 4 hours they sent me home. Couldn't find any reason why I would be in so much pain and being pregnant they really couldn't give me anything anyways.

I followed up this week with my (substitute) doctor and she said I have sciatica and possibly a big baby who is killing my back. Bottom line she suggested that I take a medical leave of absence from school until after the baby is born. i called my school all day Saturday and Monday to ask what they suggest I do. They didn't call me back until Tuesday and told me that I should have withdrawn by Monday.
Are you kidding me? If you had been in my shoes you would see how incredibly intentional this all seemed. After two days of not backing down and proving that I had called 14x they finally let me withdrawal without any problems (and no money owed). Thank God.... seriously... thank God!

Back to the drawing board.
Sometimes I feel so stupid. I really have nothing to show for. Two illegitimate babies (who I adore with all my heart) no college degree, no relationship, living with mom again, and no plan. All embarrassing but totally true. I imagined a happy life with Doug and our children and things went in a different direction. I hope we can be friends, but friendships take time. Right?
What's the deal? I need to find my motivation. I was pretty excited about the LVN program but now I'm rethinking everything... do I really want to go into that much debt? I really need to figure life out... quickly rather than slowly. 

Wyatt and are baking an apple pie today... the house smells amazing. 
Martha Stewart .... beginner level 1
knotts berry farm with the girls....
  same day swim lessons and then Wahoo's with papa Gordie....
almost 29 weeks... I've gained about 30lbs. I'm 5'10 and 1/2 and I weighed about 155lbs when I found out that I was pregnant, which for me is a low weight. When I weigh 150 I look skinny. By  the time I found a new ob-gyn I weighed 165... so I just started counting from there! Technically I've gained more than 30lbs but let's just keep it simple... mmmkay? :) alright I'll tell but shhhhh! I weigh 189. WOWZERS.

I'm trying so hard not to complain but between heartburn, sciatica, back pains, swollen feet and leg cramps I feel like I am falling apart.  My pregnancy with Wy was easy, I wish I hadn't complained the whole time!
is summer over yet?

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