Tuesday, July 31, 2012

week 33

I am 33 weeks pregnant!

It's been the fastest pregnancy ever, especially considering that I found out when I was only 5 weeks pregnant. The doctor actually told me to be on alert for an ectopic pregnancy because they couldn't see anything on the ultra sound. So fast forward 28 weeks later and here I am. I have a belly the size of a beach ball, my back aches, I have an extra 50lbs keeping me company, and my feet are swollen but hey my skin looks good! No complaining!

I don't know if I went into too much detail over my moods lately but I was down for awhile. Actually a long while to be honest. 
I'm happy I have Wyatt and my nieces and nephew who really distracted me from this depression. I have felt bummed about how Doug has acted through this pregnancy, truly proving to me that zebras don't ever lose their stripes. In other words having a "sober" moment didn't really do him any good. It's so difficult to see other people go through these life changing experiences and get absolutely NOTHING out of them. 
Sobriety has really changed who I am. I'm not saying that I'm a saint, but I think I have gained a lot out of it and not because I'm "different" but because I was willing. Aside from the sobriety I think that I'm realizing that some people are just not nice people. 
Whether they want to be mean and moral-less or it is purely a case of nature vs nurture is another question. 

 VENTING AHEAD! (detour if you don't want to hear it!)
In Doug's case I believe strongly that it was and is nurture. 
His father is the same way. They've all been passed down this oil company from generation to generation, not having to work at all and I think with that company came pride, entitlement, and a horrible chauvinistic mentality. It comes down to the fact that Doug really does nothing wrong (or at least he'd like to think this is true), he's arrogant, he says mean things that you wouldn't say to people. You know, the type of things that are only said to really hit below the belt and cause pain. He acts this way and then is shocked when I don't want to see him. 
I told him the other day that friends aren't mean to each other, they support each other and encourage each other and love each other, I don't allow my friends to treat me like crap, therefor he is not my friend. I really don't think he sees things as others do, he is so blinded by his defensiveness and ego that there is no room for him to grow at all.

This has been a hard pregnancy just because the lack of friends. 
My friend Kathleen has been wonderful, which honestly has surprised me the most. She's a younger single, hard working, party girl and she has totally supported me and been there for me from the second I found out I was pregnant, engaged, planning a wedding, breaking up, moving back in with my mom and blah blah blah. She gets me out of the house and really doesn't allow me to give my self a pitty party but listens with open ears. I am thankful for her.
My sister has been going through yoga teacher training and that has taken a lot of her time, and honesty she doesn't ask me to hang out that often aside from the busy yoga schedule. I stopped asking her to do things  in hopes that she would realize I was the one always trying to get together and I don't think she got the message (I know it sounds juvenile), either that or she just really doesn't want to hang out with me.
I'm thankful for my mom and Gordie, I'd be so sad without them, and really bored!

Our past few days....
cuddle time with Pa
 Uncle Matt's work

 We went to the fair again with PaPa.
Face painting is serious business.

 big boy naps, potty trained... what else could I ask for?!
 water colors...

new sprinkler from Ma

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