Friday, December 7, 2012


i wish there was a safe way to sleep in the bath tub and for the bath to stay hot all night long.
so relaxed right now. i probably should have gone to sleep an hour ago.

i've been concerned about wyatt's behavior for some time now, and if you follow then you know how we've struggled with this. i have started and stopped diets, behavior charts, read books, tried new techniques and the list goes on. i will admit i get frustrated with no results and will often give up before anything can be achieved, so, i admit i am bad at this.

lately i have thought that it must be me, my parenting is making wyatt behave like this.
i spoil him too much, i give him too many treats, i don't spend enough one on one time with him, it's being a new big brother, i don't give him enough time outs, maybe i give him too many times out?
i am always questioning me. lately i've been at my breaking point.
on some level i feel like this horrible behavior is taking my son away from me. i can feel my self so frightened and intimidated by this that i almost on some level give up. i feel like throwing my hands up in the air and not dealing with it, which would be so unfair to wyatt.

i can see him struggling with this.
he doesn't want to be naughty. he's a good boy who is proud of him self when he does the right thing, when he makes people happy and he loves life so much and has this amazing creative and caring personality, of course it shines when his tantrums aren't in motion and he isn't screaming at me that he doesn't like me or wants to rip lion apart.
it makes me sad to see him struggle.

i was up until about 1am last night looking at emotional problems in young children.
it seems to me the he has a disruptive disorder, specifically ADHD. he has tantrums that on average last for about 20 minutes and a lot of the times go for 45-60 minutes. he has trouble calming himself down on his own, and he can be physically aggressive as well as verbally aggressive. i can tell he loses control, he physically can't control himself or calm himself down or even let me calm him down. it's heart breaking really.

i called his doctor today and he told me to call my insurance and make an appointment with a psychiatrist for an evaluation. i've read that if you catch it early on that you can often times avoid the route of medication. i just want wyatt to be happy, i don't want to see him struggle.
i hope it's all just spoiled, 3 yr old boy behavior, but we'll find out.
i have a feeling that this is going to be a journey that i will be on for quite awhile and i am choosing to share it in hopes to help another parent or to even connect with someone.

being a single parent is hard, it's me and my boys.
i am thankful that i have my sister and kellie who are helping me with this and being super supportive. i just want wyatt to be happy, i want to be able to enjoy this time in our lives without the struggles. but that's wishful thinking.
i chose to think that my higher power would only put these challenges in our lives to over come and create new paths, to bring us together and make us stronger.

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