Sunday.

I am madly in love with these boys. This is all I'll ever need in life, this and air... and some sort of college education. haha

I am so thankful for my two amazingly healthy little people, they are such a blessing. I can't wait to start our adventures together. I can imagine us now on some coast up North surfing all day with Uncle Ben and Ezra, and then meeting the family back at the campground for dinner and fun.

I love this life so far, even with all of the struggles and the unknowing of what tomorrow will be like.

 I'm using the Moby Wrap while I wash my Dolcino Wrap, someone threw up on it but I won't mention names. :)

My sister came over this morning and she dyed my hair! Yay!! I am me again!!
I will post pictures later.
We woke up early this morning and went to breakfast with PaPa at Charlie's Chili in NewPort beach. I saw my local surf spot, over crowded and small, typical for the end of summer. I can't wait to get the ok from my doctor, oh to surf again! I can hardly wait.
Happy Sunday Ya'll!

life is happening.

We went to Knott's Berry Farm this week with PaPa Gordie.
Owen's first amusement park at 9 days old.

brothers

Wyatt is doing good with baby brother. He has asked me a few times if he could be a baby again.
He hid from us the other day for so long that we thought he ran down the street or was abducted. He was right in front of me as we were walking and turned the corner into the yard and disappeared, MY HEART STOPPED. My neighbors were looking for him, Pa got into his car and drove off in search of Wyatt, my mom and I were looking all over and then my grandma looked for the 5millionth time in the downstairs guest house and there he was, he jumped out and tried, well succeeded at scaring her. What a little shit. I was scared, furious, and then relieved all within minutes and then furious again.
Tonight he crawled into the co-sleeper with Owen while I went to the bathroom.
I thought being a single mom was TOUGH, but being an outnumbered  single mom is way harder.
He promised me  that he would never be naughty again... broken heart. I love him.

losing my mind.

I feel like the worst mom ever today.
This whole potty training business is slowly, little by little taking every last bit of sanity I have left.
Wyatt is a smart boy and he knows exactly what to do.
I feel like he definitely is taking advantage of my frustration today.
He is successful at peeing in the potty but the #2 is what is KILLING me!!!
Yesterday morning he went all over the house, running from room to room leaving a trail of hideous horrible poop, everywhere but the bathroom. Today was more successful! He woke up and used the big boy potty 2 times. We went to swim lessons and then we went somewhere for lunch that has an outdoor play ground, I caught him right before he pooped in the slide. OH. MY. GOD.
We were the only ones out side (thank God). OK STUPID IDIOT ME... Didn't bring wipes, diaper, shorts, an extra change of undies... NOTHING. I swear I am losing my mind.

POTTY TRAINING SUCKS.

He does look super cute in his undies though... :)

 Lesson for the day week...

 

FYI

I am busting out the sewing machine today! I'm going to make some stuff... Don't know what yet but I'm going to make it, whatever it is! 

 

everything must go.

Ok so I think my horrible hormonal mood has passed... at least for now.

My sister-in-law sent me a box of adorable girl clothes, it really got me excited. I still can't imagine having a girl, how much fun. I think we are going to name her Dorothy after my great grandma. There are a lot of cute nicknames too like Dot, Dottie, Dory and a few more. She started kicking and at 23 weeks you can see and feel her now! She really responds to Wyatt's voice, it's cute.

My mom is moving in today. She was actually already supposed to be moved in but we had the worst experience with the movers this morning! First off a different company showed up than the one my mom called, they had a different estimate when they showed up, and they had more fees! After my mom said she wouldn't sign anything and she was going to go with a different moving company the one guy went into our bathroom and didn't come out for close to 15 minutes! Gordie (Wyatt's g-pa) asked through door if we was OK and he yelled "yaaa". I finally went out and got the other guy from the moving truck and asked him to get him out of my mom's house! He was obviously pooping and or doing drugs in there! What an experience! So we found a company to come out at 4 today, so hopefully it all works out! Let's hope these MOVERS are good and reliable!!

Life the past few weeks...

full moon

Wyatt's cool GREAT grandpa PA!!!

helping mom paint

Doug took us to an Angels game, they won!

  22 weeks

want a reason to buy these!

sleep over with Oliver

found a bunny in the backyard.

Wyatt kept saying "don't worry I will hurt you bunny!"... 

I think he meant to say I won't hurt you! :)

dinner in bed

123...

life...

art = fun. messy. laughs. googly eyes.

BEST sugar free ice cream EVER!

beach day. 

creating a masterpiece. 

Wyatt counted to 11 all by him self on the walk home from Nana's... What the heck?!

Sorry Angels... these tickets were free!

Wyatt's uncle Eric's best friend catches for the Dodgers so we got these really awesome tickets. Wyatt's 2 uncles, papa Gordie and Oliver went. It was so much fun. The boys got Dodger Dogs, fries, cotton candy, ice cream, base balls bats (NOT my idea!), bobble heads and an afternoon of adventure! We went to China Town in LA first, took a small detour which was fun. Had a blast. Although I'm an Angels fan, the Dodgers stadium (minus the major hills) is an awesome place. 

sugar for breakfast?

my awesome bed spread.

nap time.

20 weeks already.

Wyatt and I went to Disney Land yesterday and it was ridiculously crowded, no painfully crowded! Ok well it really didn't pain us physically to be there but very much mentally! We didn't go on anything except for the train and we were able to sit through the bugs life show, that's it. 

It was so crowded, had I mentioned that? :)

I think my mom is going to be moving back in August. That is what I want. I mean obviously I don't want to be a single mom with 2 children living with my mom but this is my best option, I think that this is going to be what is best for my children and me. My plan will be to go straight into registered nursing after I am a LVN and living with my mom will help me reach my goals much quicker. 

I am extremely grateful for my mom, she is a very good mother to me. 

I see the positive change in Wyatt since Doug has moved out. He always has something negative to say about Wyatt. Wyatt sat in the doctors office with my mom during the ultra sound for over an hour and was really awesome without any toys or any entertainment, hyper, but awesome. When we were praising Wy, Doug leans over and tells Wyatt that this is the way he should always act, and goes on to tell him that his other behavior (which he didn't use) is bad and blah blah blah... He forgets that Wyatt is 2... only 2 and wasn't born with the knowledge to act and behave the way he "should" or the way Doug want's him to, he's learning. I'm a big believer in praise, and acknowledging the good behavior. For example when Wyatt is playing like a big boy, instead of being quiet and hoping it will never end, I tell him how good he is being. Children need to hear good things just as adults do. I know when all I hear is negative things, I then perform worse, and get sad and feel bad about my self.

Wyatt has improved 100%, his behavior is incredibly better! I've been consistent,  I've picked my battles very very very (and sometimes not so very) wisely. I try to only say no for things that matter , so he isn't hearing no all the time. No can lose it's face value quickly when you throw it around all the time, I learned this the hard way! I took out all of the distractions (like toys) from Wy's bed room to make nap and bed time easier and I've cut a lot of sugar out of our diets. When he begs for something at the store I tell him that it's not healthy for us or mommy can't afford junk food, and he has responds pretty well. 

counting my blessings...

The past week has been a whirl wind of craziness and emotions for me. Everything seemed to be going perfect for my little family and it all seemed just right to all the outsiders, but for me the puzzle was just being forced to fit. Wyatt and Doug had been having a really hard time living together. I wasn't exactly excited how Doug was deciding to parent Wyatt either, he had just moved in and already wanted to take over all parenting, even telling me when it was ok or not ok to hug Wyatt or comfort him after he was in trouble. He has a daughter Natalie who is a good child and wants to please, so when you tell her no it means no. My niece Penelope was exactly that same way, she touched an electrical outlet once and my sister's voice got low and she said "No Penelope, don't touch" and she never touched another electrical outlet again. 

My point being is that Wyatt is a strong willed stubborn child, if you tell him no he looks at it as a challenge. Wyatt and Doug were just a puzzle with multiple missing pieces from the very beginning. Doug actually would argue with Wyatt, a 2yr old! Wyatt loved it. I admit I've lost my ability to discipline, or maybe I never had it to begin with, but I do know that there are certain things that just don't or do work with different children. Children are individual beings just as adults and we can all tolerate different things, Wyatt and Doug just could not tolerate each other and I could no longer tolerate watching my son being talked down to and discouraged. It was 3 weeks too long so i asked Doug to move out, not knowing how I was going to pay rent or buy groceries. The only thing I knew at that time was if I didn't get out now I might never get out and I was going to be bringing another child into this mess. I don't want my children to think of women as passive and needing to submit, especially their own mother. 

I had been thinking that things just weren't right ever sense Doug put that ring on my finger. 

Things were perfect, no things were fine and then once he committed he turned into a controlling, stubborn, mean person lacking any morals and any christian warmth. I had known this person once before a long time ago but thought he had changed. Well... he had not. He is an alcoholic that is in denial and will probably never acquire any sobriety because he does not want to change, he will not become nice over night because he doesn't see himself as mean and he will not stop being controlling because he thinks his way is the only right way. Moral of the story is that Zebras never change their stripes and I am slow to learn this. 

I would like to invite you to take a journey with me through humility, single parenting, learning to support my self and my child(ren), living month to month, being pregnant and single with a wild 2 yr old boy. This is a huge change in my life that consists of a million little changes. I am embarrassed and motivated, I'm sad and extremely excited about everything life has to offer me, I'm feeling a little bit of everything. I have to count my blessing because through all of this chaos there are still blessings to be counted. I am taking this opportunity to find my self or reinvent myself, what ever comes first. 

My first item on my check list will be over coming this feeling of embarrassment of being a single mother to two children. Who am I to give a fuck what other people think of me and who are you to judge me? This is my life and my job right now is to keep my self mentally and physically healthy as well as my incredibly intelligent and insanely strong willed 2yr old son and unborn child as I figure life out.

this guy right here deserves me to figure life out ASAP!